The courage to be disliked

Life is simple when we naturally live our lives.

This article is about the book by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, the courage to be disliked. The book is a conversation between a young man and a philosopher. The philosopher uses knowledge from Adlerian Psychology to educate the youth,

If you are a fan of psychology, you will love this book.

Humans have a universal desire to pursue superiority; in order words, we always want to be better versions of ourselves.

To achieve our desire to be the best, there are two routes. The first is an easy route, stepping on people to get what you want. The second route requires working towards achieving the success that we wish to and still remaining kind and gentle to people.

The philosopher educates the youth about individual tasks that must be completed before we can be truly free and happy to attain the superiority we desire.

Our individual task is having a genuine concern for others, building horizontal relationships, and taking the approach of confidence, encouragement, and commitment to the community.

The philosopher defined commitment to the community as thinking about what we can give to the community and not what the community can give us.

Many of us view the world as cruel and unkind because there are too many incidents of murder, rape, war, criminals, and liars. It is more comfortable for us to stop believing in the world and live by minding our business. We choose to stay on our lanes, ensuring not to interfere or get to know people on a deeper level.

It is easier to live in fear and doubt. We claim a feeling of false superiority.

False superiority means that we feel we are better than others, that people are not worth our time, and that we think it is okay to judge people.

False superiority is what the philosopher calls life-lie, lying to yourself.

Our task to love others and have confidence in people is challenging. It is difficult because not everyone feels obligated to the task; many are angry at life and community members, e.g., family, colleagues, and even the church.

We cannot change people; all we can do is be kind and pray. Through our kindness to them, they may decide to change by their own will.

Anger is another reason we make life unnecessarily difficult.

The philosopher defines anger as a tool and a form of communication used to achieve a purpose of false superiority.

One might be angry and raise her voice to assert: ‘my idea is better,’ ‘I am older,’ ‘the world revolves around me.’

Anger is merely a tool that may be changed for a better one. Instead of anger, use respect and humility. The world does not revolve around anyone. We live in the community as individuals; we are the smallest unit of the community. Yet, we also belong to a larger community beyond what we can see.

We are all equal but not the same. There is freedom in accepting oneself and not needing to be extra or seeking recognition from others. Be you and strive to be better; there is no need for competition. Have the awareness that we are comrades and equal in consciousness. We should live in the moment, do what we can, and do it honestly.

Life is simple when we see people as our comrades and realize that our individual task is to love one another and give our talents to the community.

God is in charge of planning; you are in charge of living your life as best as you can that would not hurt another being. Live life in the moment, not in what was or fear of what might be. We do not need to be afraid to be who we are or fear our true selves will be disliked.